Are You Feeling Stuck?

As I sat down in the coffee shop to talk with my friend, I realized that there are so many people that I have recently spoken to that appear to be feeling the same way that my friend is sharing with me. They cannot seem to put a finger on what it is exactly but, they all have said the same thing to me; “I am just not happy!” I am not happy. Wow, what a statement. Everyone that has said that to me had different things going on in their lives but they all ended with that statement- “I am not happy!” This is can be a sign that you are feeling stuck.

And my response has always been the same; do you mean that you feel stuck? And the eyes light up and the jaw drops as they shake their heads and say yes! They are shocked and amazed that that was the word that had eluded them. “Yes, I feel stuck and I do not know what to do to shake this feeling” he said to me and I have a feeling that there are more people who feel the same way and want the same result; to shake this feeling.

Are You Feeling Stuck: Trauma and Stuff

I know, you see trauma and think that is not the problem Dave, I really feel stuck. Most of us have experienced some form of trauma in our lifetime and many people have no idea that they have indeed experienced trauma because their idea or concept of trauma looks different from what they are or have experienced. There is the single parent who has the responsibility of providing a safe and secure place to live (that is dependent upon their financial situation), they are responsible for keeping their family fed (again, that is dependent upon their financial situation), they are responsible for so much in providing for their families and oftentimes, they spend very little time with taking care of themselves. That can be very traumatic.

There are so many various sources of trauma, there are individuals who experienced sexual harassment and abuse for example, many people are traumatized by serious cases of family dysfunction, there are times where hundreds or even thousands of people experience trauma from a shared event like a natural disaster and other numerous sources of trauma including:

• Accident and death

• Racism or Bigotry

• Poverty and drug abuse

• Witnessing Violence

• Acts of Terrorism

The thing that you need to know about experiencing trauma is the fact that the effects of that traumatic event may present itself in different ways for different people. Many of the things that are listed above are  everyday occurrences unfortunately, and because the effects are different for everyone, many people do not know that they are responding to situations of life based on the effects of a traumatic event. When we are unable to process how we feel and find ourselves in the same reoccurring patterns or cycles it might present itself as feeling stuck.

There are quite a few individuals that silently deal with anxiety and irritability and will often confess to friends and family that they are “just a little stressed”. While for some, it may appear in their lives in the form of relational issues, many people feel helpless or hopeless.  We become stuck. We appear to be in an endless cycle and cannot seem to get out. Our business becomes stagnant, work has lost it’s luster and we have no passion in the things that we used to have. Our relationships tend to suffer and sometimes we are just not happy. Our feeling hopeless or helpless can cause issues with our self-image and self-esteem. When we feel that there is little hope or that we are a hopeless cause; we have difficulty seeing the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak or we see the light and just know that it is the train about to run you down! 

Are You Feeling Stuck: Where Is Your Focus

When I was younger, I would hear people say that “you cannot see the forest for the trees”. To be perfectly honest, I thought that was the dumbest thing that I have ever heard! But, it has such a great message. So, back to my friend. I asked him to tell me about the most pressing problem that he was facing that made him feel like he was stuck. After sifting through everything we finally got to the heart of the matter which was, can you guess what it was? Yes! He had become so overwhelmed with everything that he lost sight of his target; he could not see how he would ever reach his desired goal because it looked so far away that he never had a strategy to get him there. He felt as though he was in over his head!

I have a very corny saying but, it is a good illustration. “You can only eat an elephant one bite at a time”. But there are other reasons why we might feel overwhelmed. Sometimes, it may appear as life or the source of our trauma consumes our lives and we feel stuck, we feel as though we are not sure what is the best course of action to take. Does it seem as if everything is filtered through your trauma? All that you hear seems to be “you are not good enough”, “It is your fault, you are in over your head,  you should be ashamed”, or “they did that just to make me look bad”!

Where is your focus; is it on the problem or the solution? Does it seem as though you are so focused on the problem that you feel like people see you the same way that you see yourself? And because you are so focused on the problem you begin to feel anxiety or irritable. Is it possible that these moments cause you to see yourself as hopeless? Please understand that I do not think that trauma is the only source that causes people to feel stuck; that is not the case at all. There a many reasons for individuals to feel as though they are stuck and trauma is just one of many.

Are You Feeling Stuck: Can We Talk About It

Well, let us talk about how things can change when you change what you focus on. Seeking professional help can be a great benefit to those who are experiencing feelings of being unfulfilled, feelings of being stuck in life,feelings of being overwhelmed or those who suffer from a wounded or broken heart.

We seek professional help when our car has some sort of issue that hinders peak performance. We do not know what to do if our phones begin to stop doing whatever we think it should be doing. We should have the same mindset when it comes to our lives.  Professional help can be very beneficial in assisting us with get moving in the right direction so you are no longer feeling stuck.

Counseling or having a Life Coach can play an important part in your journey towards living a productive and fulfilling life.  Counseling or having a Life Coach can help you in accomplishing the goals and dreams that have seemed impossible to achieve by assisting you in identifying the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that may have impaired your progress towards reaching those dreams and goals. 

Feeling stuck or feeling as though your time to accomplish your life goals have come and gone is never a good feeling to have. I would like to encourage you to keep working towards those goals. It is never too late. Seek out professional help to assist you in identifying obstacles to your success and to develop strategies that will increase your ability to reach your desired goals. Everyone will experience setbacks from time to time in their lives, it is normal but, whenever you find yourself unable to start moving forward, please remember that you do not have to be alone in the process towards a fulfilled life and you can get past the point of feeling stuck.